The Healthy Freedom of Time

 Four and a half years ago, I made a Facebook post about the world shutting down. At the time, everything seemed daunting and overwhelming. The rest of that year proved to be scary in many ways. It was a year filled with grief, stress, frustration, and more. But looking back, I also see it as one of the best years I have ever had.

2020 was, despite everything, the healthiest year of my life. Mentally, physically, emotionally, and even financially, it was the healthiest I have ever been. 

Knowing that everything was on my timetable and by my choosing released a freedom inside of me that I had never had before. My husband was home. My kids could entertain and do for themselves. There were no visitors. I could walk for hours or seclude myself with a book without feeling like I was neglecting my family. Even housework was less because we were home to deal with it at the moment instead of scrambling from one activity to another.

I do not miss the fear of catching Covid. I do not miss the turmoil of dividing lines with our family members (which are still frigidly but infrequently crossed). But I do miss the way that year healed me, the way that year supported me. I miss the feeling of loving all of me and my life. I miss feeling happy, safe, and healthy in my skin and in my mind.

I realized earlier this year that I had been searching for that feeling again. It is probably one of the strongest motivators for finding myself back working from home. Four years ago, I saw what a happy, satisfied me looked like. Now that the kids are even older and more independent, that freedom to take care of me is coming back, and I am ready to seize it and see what else I can do with it to make my life happy and healthy again.

Untamed part 2

 I regularly come across a quote that suggests thinking about all the books you have, like a wine collection, instead of a to-read list. You choose the right one for the moment of life that you are in and enjoy it. I never felt so connected to this quote as I did while reading Untamed. I know that I shared my review of Untamed by Glennon Doyle a few weeks ago, but I have so many thoughts on this book, and they keep fueling my writing.

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When I started reading Untamed, it had been on my bookshelf for almost 10 months. I meant to get to it, but it didn't happen. Noticing that a local book club I was considering joining was reading it finally got me to take it off the shelf and dive into it. And dive, I did.

Oh my word, I was in tears by the book's second section. I cannot connect with poetry for my life, but she reprinted a poem that hit me deep in my soul. This was the perfect time for my soul, heart, and mind to read this book.

I have been diligently trying to follow all of the green flags the universe has been sending me this year. By consciously choosing to follow the signs and my gut, I have repeatedly been rewarded with "atta girl" signs from the universe. Untamed being read when I did was one of those signs. Not only is the late-stage life transformation of acknowledging, accepting, and nurturing your authentic self something resonating through my soul like a gong, but the book format is something I have been talking about lately.

It is a memoir in short essays, and each bit is just a couple of powerful pages. This format is fairly new to me but fits my writing style perfectly. I had been actively considering writing this style and project for weeks before reading this book. The kicker is that I had zero idea that this was the format until I got into it.

I also cannot ignore the mathematical coincidence, either. I had owned this book for around 40 weeks before reading it. I finally picked it up at the beginning stages of making some radical and rebirthingesque changes to parts of my life. This book could not have been read at a more fitting time when I needed an encouraging woman to reassure me of my new life choices.