Writer's Conference Block

 I have been in a funk, a rut, a hole of sorts. I spent days unable to find motivation for anything productive. I came home from a writing conference and was repelled by the idea of writing anything. I could only describe it like being in front of an electric fence; I'm not going through it but I couldn't figure out how to find the off switch. Yesterday, I spent some time organizing my life and my thoughts. That action alone helped me to see where my obstacle was coming from.

We had a speaker at the writer's conference who was wonderful...for a group. I had the chance to talk with this person one-on-one, and their goal was to tell everyone that their writing projects were awful. As I talked with them about an upcoming project, they interrupted me and said, "This sounds like a book about mental health." While I'm sure mental health will play a role, it is not the focus, nor did I say anything about writing a book.

I am also one of many who had this experience with this conference speaker. Everyone I talked to who had a chance at a one-on-one with them had the exact same experience. They were interrupted, and their writing visions were talked about in ways that they never described. So, while many pieces of advice from this person were great for promoting our work, I absolutely would not approach them for help with publishing my writing.

Yesterday, while organizing, I finally realized that my recent mood had been caused by that conversation at the conference. It was like the conversations I have had with so many in my lifetime, which always seem to have the same message: you might not be good enough, so why even try? The irony is that I was struggling with those ghost voices of the past while preparing to go to the conference, and then I found one there, too! Why always do the people who should be encouraging you constructively decide to be destructive? 

Now that I have realized why I have been so malaised about writing, I am doing my best to ignore the ghosts and listen to the ones who are actually cheering me on. Maybe with enough cheering, I will be able to evict the ghosts.