Nothing is the same as it was. Nothing will ever be the same again. I am afraid to go anywhere. Fearful of any building that is not my house. And now there is rain coming down, along with thunder and some wind that makes me fearful, too.
I am so tired of being afraid. I'm tired of being uncertain and unstable. I'm tired of being tired, which is its own problem. I'm barely sleeping, and when I do, it isn't good sleep. My brain needs rest, and I can't seem to get any.
I wrote all of those words above in the early days of the pandemic. The world had been shut down for about two weeks at the time when I wrote all of those words in my journal. Little did I know just how much those words would follow me through the rest of that year.
As we move into the new election season, I feel these same things creeping back into my life and brain. My fear and anxiety for our nation and our future are increasing daily. This time, though, I am not afraid of a virus that we didn't understand; this time, it is about a virus that we do understand: people.
People are complicated, but we all want the same basic thing: to be treated kindly no matter who we are, how we worship, who we love, or our ethnic heritage. My fear is that regardless of the November election outcome, people will become meaner instead of nicer, and mean people are destructive people. Mean people destroy souls, families, and anything that they see as contrary to their (always right) opinions.
I know that no matter who wins the presidential election, there will not be unity, even within their own party. But I do know that one side cares more about the people who make up this nation, and the other side just wants to win a trophy. So, while I don't typically do this, I urge you to remember how you felt four years ago regarding the state of our nation, and then I urge you to vote in a way that calms your fears and encourages the future you want the next generations to be proud of.
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