Self Understanding

 I have been trying to be quiet and listen.

Listen to my body. Listen to my family. Listen to the world around me. Listen to my soul.

There is a lot of noise, but I am trying to listen.

In listening comes learning. I am learning that I don't know as much as I think I do, that I am uncertain about what drives me, and that I still have so much learning left to do.

I am also frustrated. I feel stuck and stagnant. Strides are made, forward movement happens, and then somehow, I end up stuck like I walked into a gigantic pit of mud. 

This is for every aspect of life: finances, marriage, career, dreams, goals, parenting.

I feel like I don't know myself these days. I am having trouble recognizing myself in my daily life. I don't know if I am doing the right things. Every choice feels like the wrong choice like there is a better one out there that I haven't discovered yet.

I don't feel like myself. 

I had an anxiety meltdown a few days ago that I haven't fully recovered from. Old habits were coming in hard, and it took every ounce of strength to fight them off. It was exhausting and depressing. I was doing so well for so long. I know that slips will come sometimes, but it feels like a defeat when it happens.

But now, I continue to work through the slip. I work to climb back up to where I was and then work to go further. I know that is the only way to help everything: the frustration and the feeling of being stuck. I know that they are all connected with the anxiety slip, and I know that in time, I will have forgotten all about this because I will have pushed through greater than before.